Ep 49: Finding your values - Part 1 - a shared understanding
Let's chat values, and specifically let's start with a shared understanding.
In this episode I'm sharing how I define values and some of the things I hold around values.
Today's episode is part 1 of a 3 part series on finding your values...or at least making a start, because finding your values is really an ongoing thing.
Let's dive in.
Links, resources & mentions
Finding your values part 1, part 2, part 3
Who benefits from professionalism - Dietitian Values Podcast Ep 6
Episode Transcript
Laura Jean 0:24
Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of The dietitian values podcast. And today we're going to do something a little bit different today is going to be the first part of a three part series. Now I had someone reach out in my DMs on Instagram to ask about this, we were having a conversation about values, and shared a great podcast or a great snippet piece from a podcast they were listening to around using values as like a motivator, like values based motivation, and I really resonated with that idea. Anyway, so we were talking about values and they were like, Yeah, it sounds great, but like, it'd be really good if there was some information on how to get clear on your values or like the steps to go through. And so that's what I would like to do today, and over the next couple of sessions, so we're going to do a three part podcast series around kind of the step by step on how to get clear on your values. Now this is something I obviously doing my work in a lot of depth and create a space to support individuals such as yourself to do this work. If you however, want a bit of an overview or even just a DIY version to get you started, then that is what the aim of this podcast series is.
So today, part one we're going to talk about, we're going to build a shared understanding first, like what are values. I want to share my definition of values and some of the things that I feel that values are and aren't. what I have around values so that we can really start from a space of a shared understanding of what values actually are. Because I probably hold a little bit of difference around some of the characteristics of values compared to what I see and the way I see other people using the term values. And that's okay, difference is fine. I think though if we're going to talk about it, I really want us to be coming to it from a shared understanding, from the same place. So that's what we're going to talk about today. Then part two, which will be next week, we will talk about getting started with values. So we'll talking about, you know, starting to wrap some words around your values and then part three, we're going to talk about how to refine your values, how to really like almost like do a values audit so that you're really making sure that the values that you're holding and acting into are in fact your values and we'll talk about the different values layers, and some of these concepts that I'll talk about in this three part series I have talked to before, but I want to bring it together in like a kind of step by step, process or order. Something that's kind of I suppose a little bit more cohesive, if you were wanting to yet like I said, Have a bit of a DIY version I suppose of getting clear on values. Okay, so let's dive in.
So firstly, let's talk about the definition of values. So if we go to the dictionary, the definition of values is 'standards or principles of behaviour, principles or standards of behaviour. One's judgement of what is important in life'. And already I've got a big difference with that. And so we'll talk about that in a minute. But let's pull it into the piece that kind of wraps words around how I view values, principles or standards of behaviour. Now that definition is fine. The although no, okay, let's be honest, I have a little bit of a problem with it because the words principles and standards have specific meanings within our culture, particularly within our hierarchical supremacy based culture and principles and standards create a hierarchy already that, those words create like a hierarchy or an either or, you know, you're either acting within principles, you're acting a certain standard or you're not. And so I feel like it doesn't. There's already there's like a little bit of external layers coming in and we'll talk a little bit more about those in part three. But yeah, so it kind of tells us what values are but it doesn't really, doesn't really get to the essence, I suppose of what I mean when I talk about values because, you know, sometimes we might hear the term like values based business or ethical, ethical marketing ethical. The truth is that everyone is running their business in a values based way. It's just whose values and what values. so right now even if you've never thought about what your values are, you are running your business through a certain set of values. The difference is when we look at it through like a conscious choice to run a values based business is where about really getting clear on what your values are, and what values you want to show up in in your business. And so someone's values, some set of values are already running your business. It's just whether or not they're yours. And similarly, with things like ethical marketing, doing things that I might consider super dodgy is ethical because it's someone's set of ethics, it' somebody's set of values. It may not be mine. and so as, values and ethics, but we're going to talk specifically about about values, are personal, they're person specific. And so I think it's really important for us to get clear on that because when I say values based it might bring up your values. You know, you might think, Oh, that's great because I want somebody who's values based, but when I'm talking about that, I'm talking about my values. And so I think that's really important that we that we understand that values are not universal, and that when we try and create a space or like a shorthand of like values being universal is we lose. We lose a lot in that space. So let's not get into that too much, because I really want to come back to this definition.
So like I said, principles or standards of behaviour, you know, had a little bit of a problem with it, and it just didn't really, yeah, there was a bit too much judgement for me and also like a like as if there's like a set of principles. You know, a sort of a shared understanding of what is right or wrong, which, in our sort of supremacy based culture there kind of is because what's right is the stuff that supports the supremacy based culture. And what's wrong is the stuff that challenges the status quo, you know, quote, unquote, I'm not gonna keep saying quote, unquote, you know, please insert inverted commas around a lot of these words. So what are values? So what I really wanted to do was strip it back and think, Okay, well, what am I trying to communicate when I talk about values? And like I said, our values we're acting into a set of values, whether they're conscious or not, and the the work that I do is really about making them conscious, bringing them to the forefront of your mind when you're taking actions, using them a decision tool, using them as a business strategy tool, a business guiding tool, so that the values you're actually acting into are the values you are choosing to act into. So what are values? Values are, this is my definition, the characteristics that underlie our attempts to get our needs met, ie our actions. So characteristics being, you know, things that they're kind of the you know, what the traditional definition called principles. so characteristics that underlie, so they're things underneath there behind it. You know, when I was playing me too, I'm a bit of a word, a bit finicky with my words. Because what I really want is an understanding, I really want a space of, of it being, of clarity, I suppose. And so underlie so initially I was like, guide, no, it's not quite guide because they might not necessarily be guiding. They just, they're the things that are there, whether we know about them or not. So they're not even things, they can be things we choose, but they're not always so I was really deliberate with these words to really try and portray or really try and yeah, create that shared understanding of what values are. So the characteristics that underlie so they're there, whether we know it or not, our attempts to get our needs met, ie our actions because I think most actions that we take as humans is some sort of attempt to get our needs met.
And so that is my definition or current working definition of values. And so, I thought that, as I said, that was really important for me, and I'm going to talk a little bit about it in next, part two around the importance of like defining the words we use in our values, and even it starts before then, in actually defining how we talk about values. So that was really clear. And so what are our values or what are some characteristics of values themselves? And I wanted to talk about this because sometimes I see values used in so many different ways or I have conversations with people and the way that the term values gets used is a little bit different from what I have or what I hold. Now I want to share this not so that you basically take on my, what I have around values, but like I said, to create that space of shared understanding so that as we're talking about values, in the next parts, we're talking about the same thing. And you might have difference about this, and I would really love to hear it. I'd love to hear what you have around values. So yeah, please feel free to share with me.
So value is a value that so the first thing is values versus things that you value. So in that definition that I shared initially, it was kind of like two pieces, principles or standards of behaviour and the other one was one's judgement of what's important in life. To me, that is, what you value. The spaces or the things that are important to you are what you value. Your values are how you show up in those spaces, how you take action. So for example, if you look at like values, words, lists and we're going to talk about that a bit more next week. in part two, you'll often see things like family as a value. And I have that family is something you value, they're not a value. A value is something that you like that you can find in your actions. So you might find that you have you know, family is important if it's something you value, but the next step is to then go well how do I want to show up? How do I want to be in my interactions with my family? What kind of person do I want to be within the relationships that I hold that are family? So the first difference I have is values versus things you value. So values to me are verbs. And this is another piece that is probably different values as verbs, not nouns. And values are things we do and they're found in what we do. And so when we do a values list, which we'll talk about next week, what we want to do is we want to create either we want to change the word to be a verb, an actionable word, or we want to wrap words around it, that create an actionable word. So to give you an example, one of my values, like if we're just talking words, is connection, and connection, you know that something you can act into. I have a value around justice, and justice isn't necessarily an action. It's like a whole kind of belief system, I suppose in a way of being and so what I've done is created an action based statement that incorporates that concept and how I see it and how I want to show up in that. like how that word, that characteristic, underlies my actions and my attempts to get my needs met. So values versus things you value and values are verbs, they're things that we do, they're things we act into.
Values are actionable, and they're aspirational. So this is something that I really am passionate about sharing around values, but sometimes I'm like, again with those values kind of statements. Values, what do they call it? Assessments. Often there's this real emphasis like, you know, the values that you have not the values that you want to have. Part of me and I think that actually, it's okay to have values or values statements that are about who you want to be, how you want to show up. It's okay for them to be aspirational. And we can also bring it back to the here and now it's like, well, what step or action can I take right now to act into that value? So I mean, to give you an example, if I pull up my values, which I probably could have done before I started recording so that it was a very nice, smooth segue into my my statement. So one of my values is doing things differently to create fair and just spaces for all bodies, all humans. That's aspirational. There's no way that I will be able to create fair and just spaces for all bodies or humans in my lifetime. You know, there will always be, you know I would be be very rejoiceful, would be very happy about it, but very surprised if say the prison system was abolished in my lifetime or if even just diet culture was completely eradicated in my lifetime. So it's aspirational. And I can make steps and choices in my business, in my life, in my everyday actions that allow me to show up into that value of doing things differently. So values are actionable, but they're also aspirational. The other thing about values is that there is no endpoint. I think values sometimes can get a bit of ,can feel a little bit like lip speak or a little bit like you know, they get a bit of lip service in a traditional kind of corporate space. You know, where there's all these values and glossy value statements and look, I've worked for state based health departments, where there's all these big values on websites or values in things and I've been in interviews where you know, I've been really strategic about talking about the values of the organisation and then in the spaces in the actual place there, you know, those values sometimes are nowhere to be seen. And it's almost like values are like an end point. like figuring out your values as an endpoint. It's like figure out our values tick, put them on our website, tick, you know, put them in the glossy brochure tick. There is no endpoint to values, values are how you show up they like like I said, those characteristics that underlie your attempts to get your needs met. While you're alive. You'll be attempting to get your needs met, which means your values will always be there. They'll always be showing up and they'll always be changing, not every second of every day. But as you grow and change as a human as the life you're living changes. As a human, as you are influenced by your experiences, by your exposure to different things by different things happening around us, then our values shift. your values change as you heal, you know, healing trauma, healing things, questioning our bias and our you know, our privilege, all of those different things, our values change. Now, that doesn't mean like our values are fickle. It just means that, and we're going to talk more about this in part three, is like we're very influenced by a lot of values around, us like the it's the water we swim in you know, there's values with all of the different spaces and places where we interact. And so we can be influenced by those. And so over time, the process of getting to know yourself and coming back to yourself and getting clear on who you are and how you want to show up. Sometimes your values will shift.
to give you an example, one of the values that I held for a long time was independence and autonomy. Now that's still something that's important to me, like I do like doing things independently, like there's an element of that. And I realised that some of that was you know, things that needed to be healed. Some of that is like the characteristics of supremacy culture, which talks a lot about individualism. And so what was really important for me was to unpack all those other influences and get down to like when I think about independence for myself versus, you know, all of those messages that I've heard that tell me that independence is important. How do I, how does it stand? And so independence and autonomy is still important to me, it's still a reason I run my business the way I do. However, it's not one of my core values, so it's not in my values list anymore. So over time that's changed. So that's an example of how, like a very brief example. So values change. And so what's really great to do is to actually check in on your values regularly to to look at them because sometimes they shift in a big way. And sometimes they just the subtlety of, of how you want to show up in certain values or how you are getting clear on the words and the way you define those values can shift. And so that is a really good thing to keep in mind as you think about values. So even if you're thinking, you know, well probably if you did think it then you'd probably be tuned out by now, but even if you're sort of thinking, oh yeah, I know my values. They're really clear. I'd encourage you to step through these parts and really to reassess and just to touch back in with your values because they do change.
I talked about this initially, but values are you specific. They're people specific, not context specific. So sometimes when I have conversations around values, people will talk about,they'll talk about their professional values versus their personal values. And I'd really like to challenge that way values are held, as I think what that creates is, you know, what often is either happening there is either we're kind of performing like version of ourselves. Or part of ourselves. So you know, the professional and a really good example is talking to a colleague around this. And they were talking about one of their personal values was pleasure and one of their professional values was joy. And Joy was kind of like the sanitised version of pleasure in their mind like as we talked it through, and yeah realised that in our conversation, that that idea of professionalism, that kind of whole piece actually changed, you know, made them feel like they had to actually yeah have a value that was different, like you couldn't have pleasure in your professional values. And I'll link in the show notes episodes, who benefits from professionalism you can check that one out. To hear me rant a little bit on that. I won't go on a tangent right now. But values are you specific so if currently you have more than one set of values or if you consider your values slightly different in different settings. Again, I'd really just, you don't have to agree with me. But I'd really just like to ask you, you know who benefits from that and just challenge that idea that we have these different, different pieces and does it support you and does it mean that you're showing up as yourself or are you showing up as a version of yourself because often what it is in our professional values or these kind of values around how we think we need to show up in professional spaces. And like I said, we're not going to go on a tangent on professionalism check out that other podcast episode if it interests you. But yeah, values are you specific, not context specific. So that is something to keep in mind. And the other thing that I would just like to emphasise or to insert or plant seed here is that values are for how you show up for others, and how you show up for yourself. And so we'll talk about this a little bit. More next week when we talk about defining the words that we use around our values. But if you have a if there's a difference or a disconnect or or some of your values leave you thinking, well geez, how can I show up in those values while still taking care of myself? Then it might be a space for us to think about how we're defining words. And I'll use an example, I think I've used it before on the podcast, but I was doing a workshop last year where somebody asked me about what about if your values are in disconnect, they kind of contradict each other and we dug into it a bit more. And one of the values this person shared was around compassion, and giving compassion to the humans that they work with. And the definition of compassion that they were running with was the cultural social definition for humans raised, socialised to be women, where compassion is giving all of yourself to others. You know, that real care, obligation of care, selflessness, all of those pieces that are wrapped up into that word compassion and then then this person was seeing that that word could only really be for other people, right? And so therefore, then if that was that value, and then they also had a value around taking care of themselves, these values stood in disconnect. So what we did there was looking at, well, how do we define compassion to actually encompass how you show up for others and yourselves? So if the words you're using, are kind of in contradiction to some of these points I've made, then it could be a good place to start to just get super curious on what's going on. So if you can't act into your values, if your values change, depending on different contexts, they change over time we talked about that. But if they're context specific, if your values you know, are like goals, you know, endpoints things you can achieve and then tick, they're done. If your values can only be directed one way like to others and they can't be directed to yourself. These are just opportunities, just I suppose little opportunities to get curious about what you have around values.
So that's what I wanted to share today to get us on the same page on that shared understanding of values because once we know our values, and once we're really clear on you know, if you're really clear on the values you want to show up in, then you've got a decision making guide. You've got a filtering system, you've got a foundation for your boundaries. You've got a way you know, you've got a blueprint, I suppose around how to show up as you in your business and in your life. And so values are the characteristics that underlie our attempts to get our needs met, and that's what we're going to talk about over this three part series which we've talked about in part one today. So I'd love to hear from you. How does that land for you? Does it it does it feel contradictory to what you have? Does it feel like, does it open up possibilities? like what goes on for you, when you when you listen through? I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear any difference you have around what I've shared. What do you think of that definition? Does it land for you and also I'm always keen to hear from you if if I've missed anything, or if I've missed the mark. That's really important for me to know to know where how this how this is, you know how useful and usable it is for you, to use the words of Wini Linguvic. Yeah, so share your thoughts and comments with me. You can drop them in a DM over on Instagram at dietician values, you can email me Laura at dietician values.com Or you can you know, comment under the podcast post. So let me know your thoughts, feelings, comments, concerns. And until next time, bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
