Ep 52 Embodying values & getting uncomfortable with Allison Tenney
Today I'm in conversation with Allison Tenney and we're chatting about embodying values, knowing when to keep out of the conversation, understanding whiteness, getting comfortable with discomfort, 'doing the work' and so much more.
It's a good one.
Allison is the owner of Allison Tenney Fitness, LLC. Through strength training and fitness, Allison helps women build next-level strength, confidence, and the courage to seize their personal power. She combines her passion for movement and strength training with her commitment to social justice and aims to elevate the fitness profession and make it more inclusive for everybody and every body.
You're definitely going to want to listen to this one.
Let's dive in
Links, resources & mentions
The Den Download - Allison’s podcast
Episode Transcript
Laura Jean 0:00
Hello, hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the dietitian, values podcast. And this week, we have a guest with us. I'd like to welcome Allison Tenney to the conversation. And I was just talking to Allison before we pressed record, and I'm going to hand it over to Allison to introduce herself. So thanks so much for coming and being in conversation.
Allison Tenney 0:23
This is gonna be super fun. I always love I was just saying, I always love podcasts because you get to like, dive right into the meat, get deep right away. And I really love and appreciate that about podcasts. I'm in the strength and conditioning world. I'm a strength and conditioning coach. But my background is in sports and athletics. So I grew up on a soccer fields, played division one college athletics, and then was also a division one college coach, I was a Sport Coach. And kind of how I started my career in strength and conditioning was this hybrid role between being an on field Sport Coach, and doing the strength and conditioning for my college soccer team. So I got to put all of these pieces together in terms of the practices and games and loading on the fields, but then was also doing all of the fitness off of the fields for the team. So everything that was in the weight room, their offseason, their preseason, I was putting all those pieces together. So it was really this master class in a full training programme. So that's really my my background, and I love it. And I do miss pieces of being a soccer coach. But once I left soccer because I had a family and we started moving for my husband's career, I had started this side hustle, as most of us do, and had a number of alumni that were coming back to me like, Hey, you trained us for four years, what do we do now? So I was like, Sure, I'll you know, keep writing you a strength and conditioning programme was like, well, maybe I should charge you for this as well. So I started my business on the side. And once we started moving, I just went all in into my online fitness business. And fast forward a few years. Here I am running coaching programmes and working with people who I absolutely adore doing things that I absolutely love.
Laura Jean 2:30
Yes. And that really comes through in your your work. And I know I've shared it with you before and Allison and I connected on Instagram where everything happens, of course these days. And I think, you know one time when you were in a launch I was like, I'm not actually here for the strength and conditioning stuff. But I just really love how your your values come through in your work. And yeah, I follow along. And I'm also highly entertained by your reels, of course, because I really appreciate what you share and how you show up, basically. So yes, I think that your passion for your work and your values really comes through. And that's why I thought it'd be great to chat to you today.
Allison Tenney 3:11
Well, I actually think it's a really great practice. I know there's a lot of colleagues and peers that follow me that I follow. And I think it's a good practice to actually be intentional about those follows. So that when people are launching when they're talking about their products, their services, seeing how they show up in the space, you're kind of looking at it through a different lens, you're not really the consumer, or a lot of times, I'm not the quote like ideal client, I'm not going to purchase from my colleagues, maybe, like very slim, but I like to see what other people are doing. What's the market, like people I might look up to that might be mentors, kind of looking laterally across at what my colleagues are doing and putting out. So I do think it's actually really great to be looking around and seeing what other people are doing and how they do it. Because things are going to resonate with you. And it's really great to then connect with those people and build relationships with them.
Laura Jean 4:16
Absolutely, yeah. And it's and I think part of that is you get to get to see what's happening, like you said, to get to see what resonates and and I think I suppose for some people, it's just knowing yourself as far as where that balance is for. I know some people can find the comparison-itis piece or the you know, the everyone's talking about this, there's no point me talking about this because we are in those spaces. So I think I think it's finding that balance for yourself and knowing yourself so that you can find that balance, right?
Allison Tenney 4:47
Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think there is a process and a progression of going through those stages. I understand the compare trap doesn't do you any good. And also, when you're starting out, you're kind of looking around, like, who am I going to emulate? Who do I like in this space. And so I do think that's part of the learning curve. You only find your voice and find your footing by using your voice, by actually taking those steps. And there's going to be people who you want to emulate who you really appreciate, and really like their work that you're going to take maybe bits and pieces. And this is where like, I think I did a podcast on like copying and copycats. It's, you should not be stealing other people's stuff, duh. And also, how can you take what other people are doing not take, but you know what I mean? Like, see what other people are doing, run it through your own lenses, kind of your own filters, and then give your own take on it. Because a lot of the stuff that, at least in my corner of the internet, it's not like these new groundbreaking ideas, but I like to put it through my own filters through my own life experience, and then give my take on it. My stance, my opinion, my stories, and I don't think those things are new, but your unique perspective is new. And that's what's going to resonate with people.
Laura Jean 6:30
Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, I'm often talking about that myself and using all of those filters, including your values as one of the filters. And I think that that is really helpful because it helps to shape your perspective. But it also gives you that grounding in yourself. So where we might get lost in comparison spaces, or you know, the copying, or any of those other pieces, when we're grounded in our own values and who we are, then we're more likely for it to be able to be used as a tool versus something that stops us or something that gets in our way.
Allison Tenney 7:07
Yes, absolutely. It's actually core values is one of my first kind of like modules or topics that I talk about in my Wolfpack, which is my my high level coaching group. So I take eight to 10 Women for six months. And I do all the programming, we do all the cool fitness stuff. And we also go through a lot of mindset work. And we talk about diet culture, fitness culture, we talk about just a lot of the systems and structures that we operate in narratives. But we start with core values. Because I do think at the centre of it, you have to understand yourself enough to be able to continue to come back to those things. And to be able to have some type of guiding principles. And they're allowed to change, mine have changed, I usually gravitate towards like two or three, because I think like five or 10 is just a lot. So I usually choose two or three. But it's interesting because I run the wolf pack every six to nine months. So I'm doing this exercise about every nine months. And there's always like one that kind of slides in and slides out. And it's it's a really great practice to go through.
Laura Jean 8:27
Absolutely, yes, you're you're preaching to the choir here, because that's obviously what I like to talk about a lot. But definitely values change. Yeah. And that touching back in with those is so important, particularly when you are in the space of really questioning, and like you said, looking at the systems and the things around us because they are what often shaped the values we unconsciously act into. So if we're constantly analysing those and questioning and hopefully unlearning, then we will, you know, they'll shift and they'll change pretty quickly. And if we're doing any kind of healing kind of mindset work as well, like all of those things come in to change who we are, which changes our values, our grounding our foundation.
Allison Tenney 9:09
Absolutely. And those are like big things. And I think when we talk about values, I think a lot of people just name them. But don't do a lot of the work around them to be unpacking whatever bias or stories or narratives that they have to then be able to come back truly to like what your truth is, like a very small example. I was just in my stories today talking about my pricing model for my business. And I, from a mentor of mine, learned what's what I call a generosity pricing model. So one of my values or my three top values are integrity, courage and love and I come back to integrity a lot. And so when I get one of those like icky sticky feelings like something about this conversation, Something's just not sitting right with me. That's my integrity alarm going off. And usually it's not like glaring, there is not this big, right or wrong. And like, yes, no binary, it's usually this very subtle, like, there's something there. And I'm not quite sure, can we get curious about it? That's usually my integrity like buzzer and this conversation around pricing structures in the online business space. And you'll hear a lot of like, charge what you're worth and get paid, like, yes, like, let's all get paid, and charge what you're worth? And also, how are you making your services available to people? And what if people can't afford it. And there's a lot of conversation in the online business space around prices, and money and access. And there was something about discounting my prices, so that more people could have access and read between the lines, it was aimed at BIPOC people, which really didn't sit right with me, because I think that makes a lot of assumptions and feeds into a lot of negative narratives. So there was something there that I was like, do I discount my prices to give more access to people. And I didn't like it. So what I came up with instead was this generosity pricing model, that you get to choose what you pay to join my group programme, which is the den. So the Den is $134 a month, you can choose to pay 199. There's no difference, literally zero difference in the deliverables and what you get in the coaching, like all of it. But you can choose to practice generosity, when it says right there on the website, like there's no filling out forms, there's no application, it's literally just a choice. So when you were a human sitting on my website, reading it, you get to choose whether you want to practice generosity if you have the means to do that. And to me that comes from more of an abundance mindset, that we get to practice that choice. So ways to actually practice those values when they pop up. Because it's one thing for me to be like integrity is a top value of mine. Cool, cool, cool. But like everybody thinks they're a good person. Everybody says they're doing their best and everybody works hard. Does that mean you're in integrity? Like how I want more tangible ways for us to be putting our core values into practice? That shit's hard. Yeah, it takes a lot of intentionality, intentional effort.
Laura Jean 13:11
Yeah, I often say it's a conscious choice and a concerted daily effort to act into our values. And that piece you added there, it's really important is to define what those words mean, through our own values. Like, what does integrity mean, if you are showing up in your values versus other people who, like you said, would say they are acting through integrity in their value system in what feels like integrity to them and it is different. And I think, yeah, that's important. I go through a process to of supporting people to really wrap words around their values and turn them into action statements. So versus us necessarily, like if just the word doesn't have an inbuilt meaning for you. Like, sometimes when you've used your values over time, and you've gotten really clear on them. You say the word integrity like for yourself, and all of what that means and how that looks to show up in that is sort of, you know, it's now embodied. And I think initially in the process, sometimes even just wrapping words around Well, when I show up integrity, in integrity, it looks like or, you know, so that we can actually say, what does that, how do I act into that versus that just being this word? Because I think values get a bad rap, you know, probably because they get used like that, like these glossy words on somebody's website or in some, you know, corporate kind of spaces. And they, people don't act into them. They don't mean anything. In some cases, not around here, of course. But yeah, yes.
Allison Tenney 14:39
I think you, so a couple of things that pop up for me. Number one, yes, the performative piece, it's super easy to like, put out a quick - here's our values, here's our value statement. Here's a mission statement. But if you dig a little bit deeper into how those things actually play out, you can really see them at play. So I think a lot of it can be performative when you look at companies, organisations, businesses that say one thing, but then you look at who's at the top, who are the people in charge, who are the decision makers, those types of things, you can really see what the values actually are, and are they in alignment. And the other thing that you said that I love, and I think it's a game changer, particularly in the fitness space, is around this idea of embodiment. And I think it's a missing factor of how we are living our lives. Because so often, we just want to be up in our heads, we want to think about these things, we want to be logical about these things, we want to really solve problems in our heads, and we are cut off from the rest of our bodies. I mean, look at the language that's actually in the fitness industry, like it's completely dismembering bodies, you have glute workouts, you have six pack abs, you have toned arms, shred legs, like all of these, like really harsh language around specific body parts that you're not even seeing as a whole. So now we've taken the body apart, we've cut it off from our head from our heart. And when we talk about values, you have to be coming home to something, it's a return. And if you're returning to just your head it's not going to work, if you're returning to a dismembered body that you just don't feel at home in, it's not going to work, that healing process has to not only be looked at in the head with the the beliefs and your biases, and the narratives, but also through your body. That's why I find movement to be so powerful. Now I choose strength training, right, but there's yoga and running and Just Dance and so many just incredible ways to move your body and it can be a healing process. But that embodiment piece has to be part of the conversation. Because if it's not, you're just trying to think your way through stuff, it becomes lip service, it's not. It has to change you, our bodies are these unbelievable things that are learning constantly. And so at like a cellular level, we have to allow that change to sink in. So I think that embodiment piece is key.
Laura Jean 17:48
Yeah, it has so much knowledge. And I think a lot of the people who listen along here, you know, operate through, or many I can't speak to everyone. through that kind of non diet sort of lens. And so often, we can be really comfortable or familiar with talking about our bodies and connecting to our bodies when we're talking to the humans we've worked with. And sometimes I think we don't necessarily widen that lens and look at it through the point of view of the values or of these other things. And, and get in like you were saying before, when you're talking about the integrity, that feeling in your body, and even, that's just a great example about how much information our body will give us or share with us even just around our values when we are connected and not creating that own hierarchy, like, you know, mini hierarchy of ourselves where our head and our brain is, is top dog and our body, you know, is somewhere down the line, and our emotions and heart, well, when you think about well, from a health professional point of view, particularly, they're supposed to be completely like, not even on the ladder.
Allison Tenney 18:53
Yeah, I mean, think about the nervous system. I mean, I like my background in soccer and training, I always I was super geeked out over sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. And I would do what's called omega wave on my athletes, where omega wave is a tech system that looks at HRV. So heart rate variability. So what is the difference between your heartbeats and you can see if you are more sympathetic or more parasympathetic, so do you lean more towards your rest and digest your parasympathetic or your sympathetic system your fight or flight? And so I was giving the athletes these this feedback of, you know, after games and after practices, I would test them and here's your HRV. And here's what we're going to do for recovery. And here's how we need to plan everything out right? So like nervous system on a training level, very cool. But think about when you enter a room with your body, you're entering as a body with you Your nervous system. And our nervous systems connect and pick up signals and are reading signals constantly. And if you are not in tune with those things, how you react can be violence it can be, it can put you in really terrible situations. White supremacy does a number on white people on black people on bipoc on everybody. And so when you enter as a, for me, people are listening to this, I'm a white woman, when I enter as a white woman with a white body into spaces, the way my nervous system is trained, because of white supremacy, sexism, racism, ableism, classism, all of the isms all of the systems that operate, I'm trained in a certain way. And if I am not aware of that, then I'm not aware of how my body is entering spaces and am I going to do more harm. Because at the end of the day, I am biology, and my nervous system is part of that biology. And so I have to be aware of those things, as I'm entering spaces. So it's like, like the both/and yes/and like our bodies are these unbelievable, I was gonna say machines, but that's how we see them. We see them as machines, and not this whole, perfect, needing to be nurtured, loved, softness, all of these other things that we also need. We're just breaking it down into like, the training mechanisms and how to get stronger, and how to get faster like that, to me, it's not enough. In the fitness industry, it's not enough because it leaves people in the space of not enough, of never enough, of needing to train harder. And even when you tell people slow down, they don't know how. Because we haven't talked about this other side of the equation.
Laura Jean 22:20
Yeah, yes. And we are, I mean, sometimes people feel a little bit uncomfortable thinking of ourselves as animals or mammals. But yeah, we are we're mammals, we're organisms. And we're part of an ecosystem. You know, I've got a penchant for gardening sideline. So I'm often thinking about things through that ecosystem kind of frame, you know, framework. And I think for humans, that's what we are, you know, and that examples, really important thinking about what happens when our body enters the room, and also to thinking about what happens just when our head, just when we take our head along with us. And when even they might be like through the you know, when we're on social media, because our bodies with us, but it's not necessarily in the space, or sometimes when we can walk into those spaces. And actually, whether it's through our programming, or coping mechanisms, safety, safety mechanisms of actually, yeah, that that actual kind of like, almost dismembering of our body as we walk into spaces. So I think yes, bringing along, it will still reacting to it, like you said, whether we've brought along or not, you know, consciously it's always with us. But yeah, yes, that's such a such a key, right. And knowing those, those filters, we talked about earlier about consciously using filters, but knowing those filters that we bring with us unconsciously, that we are constantly filtering things through. Without that awareness, or without that questioning or even just without something to come home to, like you said, a body our values, we will act in ways that maybe aren't the ways we want to show up?
Allison Tenney 23:52
Absolutely, absolutely. And we see it play out on social media all the time, the reactionary stuff that gets a lot of hits and likes. I don't know about you, but that's not who I want to be in the world. And I think when you sit and get curious and really consider how you want to show up and how you want to be in the world, is it a flash in the pan? Is it you know, combative stuff? And you know, the natural inclination is? Of course not. But when you see things that make you mad when you see things that are wrong in the world. What are the spaces that you can have the biggest impact, and I've found posting on Instagram is just not the way like, there's plenty of things that make me very angry about the world. But for me to spew that anger and to point fingers becomes almost just as problematic. As what I'm pointing the finger at. So how instead of just pointing fingers, because I think pointing pointing things out and being angry and having your emotions and having access to that stuff is really important, but most people stop there. And they stand in righteous indignation, and you know, 'I'm right. They're wrong end of story' and 'look at me' and I can't get on board with that. What I can't get on board with is people who want to point out what makes them angry and are also solution oriented. Cool, that stuff makes you angry. That sort of pisses you off, pisses me off, too. But who am I going to be in this space? Who am I going to be in my community to change it? And how I show up in the world, to me is the biggest change not yelling and screaming and shouting at people. So can we take, can we take a pause? Your voice maybe isn't necessary on every topic, your two cents, your opinion. Maybe you just need to sit on your hands for a little bit and actually build some capacity and resiliency, around your own discomfort. And I think so often, like I, me included, who likes to feel uncomfortable? nobody, like we want to run straight to like the fridge and like I want to eat my feelings and I want my Haagen Daaz coffee ice cream. Instead, can we just sit with our discomfort? Take a pause, take a breath. Like it's okay to be uncomfortable. And I think we have to build more capacity to be uncomfortable and to get curious around what that is. That doesn't require us to go spewing crap out on the internet.
Laura Jean 26:59
Yeah, so much in there. I was thinking when you were saying about righteous indignation, I was thinking of like channelling a little bit of James-Olivia Chui Hillman. It's like, it's fun until it's not anymore, you know, like, because I enjoy a little bit of righteous indignation. Oh, who doesn't? But of course it, you know, it's then it's when it it goes the next step and something I was thinking about that? And I think because I'm, I'm quite an introvert is, there's the is that one way we react through the nervous system stuff is through like for some people, it's through loud, big, anger things. And then for some people it can be you have, it's just the same reaction. It's just in the different spectrum of freezing of stopping, of silencing your voice, of silencign what might come out. And so I think it's about knowing yourself, and most people probably know where they are. But I think what can feel really comforting for us quiter introvert around is like, then we can feel a little bit not necessarily righteous indignation in that mind, but like, almost like, well, actually, yes, it's not really my place to talk about this. So actually, I'm doing the right thing, quote, unquote, by not talking. And actually, that's a response to that nervous system as well. And so the remedy isn't necessarily being loud and you know, pendulum swinging the other way. But I think it's that discernment piece you talked about in there around, stop and pause and think about how I want to take action, now what? like, what's the next step? So it's I don't think it means that introverts or people who are naturally and it's not even introverts, I mean, some people's safety response is to freeze. It's, it's, you know, then now what? like, what do we what do we want to do if we're showing up in our values? What does that look like? So, yes, I just wanted to point that out. Because I've found that has been something to just kind of like, yeah, grapple around in myself around. It's not just because I'm not being loud and out there doesn't mean I'm necessarily making the quote, unquote, making the values lead choice for me, that it can look in a different way. It doesn't have to look what we see. Yeah.
Allison Tenney 29:05
Yeah, I think being okay with with both of those things being true. I was definitely in a space where I just thought I had to say something people needed to hear from me, right. They need to know where I stand on things. And sometimes that's just not true. And that's okay. And I think getting, for me, it was really getting curious about why I thought that and is there really a need here for my voice? What are the lanes that I occupy? What are the spaces that I occupy? What are the intersections that I occupy and where is my voice? Where does it need to be loud? And where does it just need to be supportive? Because let me tell you things that I'm doing offline are a lot. I'm having lots of conversations, I mean, lots of workshops and talking to mentors and taking courses and nobody's hearing about that online, like I'm running my business online, do I share pieces of myself, that have then been distilled down from that learning, and from that, taking time, taking space, pausing. And now I can show up online in my business, in a way that's in integrity, with courage, through love, which are my top three values. But I'm not talking about the rest of that stuff on the internet. Because, for me, it's performative for me it's not, doesn't need to take front and centre. That's my work that's offline.
Laura Jean 30:55
Yes, and if we talked about that a little bit, doing the work, I mean, you've just sort of talked to that a little bit like, for both of ourselves, obviously, thin white privilege, humans, I can't speak to all of your privileges. But you know, for the most part we are showing up in spaces where we are probably trying to do things differently. I know you talk a lot within the fitness space about doing things differently about bodies and about things. And so what does then for you, like, I think one thing that sometimes people in the non diet space, which there's there's parallels with what you work in, I think, as far as with dietitians, in that space, can grapple with so what is my place? You know, what's my place in this space? And I'd just be curious what you've kind of either what you want to share around that, your process you've worked through? Or how you, you know, make that ongoing organic decision around? What, whether I'm speaking up or whether I'm being supportive for Yeah, what comes up for you around that?
Allison Tenney 31:57
Oh, gosh, that's a loaded question. Yeah, a lot, there's a lot that goes into my decisions around those things. So if we're going to talk about the fitness industry, specifically, I know that there's a lot of dietitians and foodies, in your space. And I don't, like I'm very clear, one of the thing's that I don't do is food. So I'm very clear about what my strengths are, and what I'm comfortable talking about what I'm educated around and what my experience is around. Even though people are like 'but food's a big deal when it comes to exercise'. Yeah, it is, go find somebody else that's qualified, I'm not going to talk about food. So I draw hard lines, when it comes to things like that. I'm going to talk about strength, I'm talking about conditioning, I'm gonna talk about embodiment, and healing. And those things come through my own learning experiences in my own lenses. When it comes to like, the work, and for me, particularly work around anti racism, because white supremacy is everywhere, you cannot get away from it. And I have to understand my own whiteness. And so I for myself, I make this distinction around anti racism work, which I believe needs to be led by BIPOC people we need to learn from BIPOC people and learning about whiteness, whiteness is its own thing. It is something that we are kept ignorant about whether we choose to or not, the ways that we're brought up, the ways that we're educated, the history lessons that we learn, the things that we know about ourselves, we are kept ignorant around our own whiteness, and the power and the privilege that that affords us. So to me learning about my whiteness has been very powerful, and coupling that with anti racism work, and how can I be impactful in the fitness industry, without stepping on, stepping over other people who may need to be centred. So my platform is not anti, like I don't position myself as like an anti diet coach or an anti what? Like, that's, that's just not for me, because I'm doing my own work around my own whiteness, so that when I show up talking about strength and conditioning, it's from a lens from a thin white woman that understands my privilege, and how to break that down. How to not, I don't know use patriarchy and white supremacy and sexism and all these isms. and I'm sure there's shit that still pops up because it's deep. And that stuff takes a long time to unlearn. But my commitment is to understanding my whiteness so that I then don't perpetuate it and put it on other people. So my business has been slow growing. Because I don't play into like, you know, beauty standards that the patriarchy sets, i'm very intentional about that. Do I flaunt those things on my page? No. Do other women who choose to be out and about with their bodies, like I'm like, yes, go, it's amazing. But for me, I'm going to make that conscious choice to show people how we can do things differently, how we can centre different voices, how I can show up in a way that's aware of my whiteness, and still run a successful business and still have amazing clients whose values align with mine. And we are here to, Can I curse? Can we curse? (Laura Jean: Absolutely.) We're here to unfuck your fitness, and you have to have something to come home to, your body. And if you don't understand your own whiteness inside that body that you show up in, there's just going to be something that's not going to click. So I don't know if that actually answered your question. But those are the considerations that I have, I continue to have mentors around those things, I continue to be in anti racism courses, excuse me, and be in conversations around those things. But I'm still learning and so I don't show up to spaces to be like, let me tell you what I'm learning like, that just never sits right with me.
Laura Jean 37:09
Yeah, it's that doing the work for yourself. And I mean, you know, I'm using the term the work because, you know, it's kinda like the layers we've put on it. But doing that as actually for practice for yourself, you know, in showing up, as I think what you said before, like that, coming home to it, and that is something that kind of comes up, like, you know, we come home to ourselves and who we really are when we, when we strip away all that stuff. And then can show up in that and, and show up in our full humanity and create spaces, which I feel like, I feel like I see from the outside that you're doing of where other people can show up in their full humanity too. And it's messy, for sure. Would you be open to sharing, sharing an experience of where it has gotten messy and uncomfortable, where maybe you've been called in or called out within this space? That's been a bit of a learning opportunity where you've taken it? I mean, you know, it can go either way. Of course. Yeah. Would you be open to sharing something around that?
Allison Tenney 38:13
Yeah, every year I run my event. So I founded and host an event called, and I'm changing the name, it is now ignited Leadership Summit. For the past four years. it's been a ignited Women's Summit. And I started it in 2016, no 2017, 2017 after Trump was in office, and I had been to just a number of like fitness events and was like, these white men, God. So I started my own event. And one of the, long story short, one of the reporters from the school that I hosted the event at, I found out like weeks and weeks after, because I was like Oh, yeah. Didn't they interview me for that? Like, oh, yeah, wasn't supposed to be a write up. I remember googling it. And the title of the article, I should Google it and still see if it's still out there was something like, ignited Women's Summit, misses the mark. And I was reading, like, I know, most people like to sit and be like, Oh, that's great feedback. And I learned so much. And like, yeah, I eventually got there. But I was mad. I had a very classic like defensive reaction. I was pissed off that I had, I mean, I put in a tonne of work, I lose money. I run the whole thing by myself. It's not like a team of people, like I'm it and I put on this event and it went really well, I got really great feedback from participants and attendees all this stuff. And then this article comes out, what? Are you kidding me? But when I again, when I paused and sat with it, and I have some really wonderful friends, who I owe a lot to, had some conversations with them, and they were like, Yeah, this part of it, Allison, because I had three white women speak at the event. So white woman running this event. And I had three white women speak. And it was a huge wake up call to me. And that really sent me down this path of like, wow, I need to really get curious about this, like, what is this about? Number one, my reactions to it. But number two, getting this feedback, being like, wow, okay. So that happened year one, you know, and I've gone through, this is why I'm so involved in doing my own self development. Number one, because I have very important relationships, that I need to be aware of my own whiteness, so that I don't harm the most important people in my life, that I can take responsibility for those things. And if I say that I'm going to run an event where we're centering marginalised voices, or women or, you know, trans, non binary, anybody that might be marginalised, we want to centre their voices and hear their experiences, I have to make sure that I am also pushing my capacity and my edges to be uncomfortable. So I've definitely gotten feedback. And this will be, so coming up will be the fifth time I've hosted this event in November of 2022. It will be in Austin, Texas. And you know, I'm constantly updating policies, procedures, who do I need to consider, what voices need to be heard? And I'm, you know, I'm never nailing it. But I'm getting better. I'm getting better.
Laura Jean 42:23
Yeah, well, it's that constant feedback, like you creating a feedback loop, right, like, so you runthe events, and then you get the feedback. And it's actually impacting then the future events versus getting the feedback. And it's like, oh, yeah, but I'm good. But thank you for sharing that. Particularly. I think what, that that piece where, yeah, you were going through, like where you went through all of that stuff. I found that really helpful, because I think what we sometimes see in spaces is like, but yeah, I'm doing my best. I put all this work in, like I had good intentions, like you said, and you're pissed. And then yes, when you could take the space, take the time, which is a reminder for us all like we all like, and think it comes back to what we're talking about before. We are organisms, we were biology, so we will react, and we're also conditioning we'll react through those lenses. But we can create that, I don't know, scaffolding or space where we can take time in it, versus react through them, for sure.
Allison Tenney 43:28
Yeah. And also to have, gosh, I'm going to call them like a trusted counsel. Because I guarantee you if I would have called certain friends, they would have been like, yeah, F-that, it was great, like keep doing whatever you're doing. But instead, my best friend said, yeah, that can be hurtful and here's some of my experiences. And here's how you not understanding those things and you not looking at those things, that's how that affects our friendship. Like, whoa, I mean, I was just like, wow, because I'm an Enneagram two, I'm a helper, and I'm like, loyal A F until you really cross a line. I'm a really good friend. And I just really love on my people. And so to get that type of feedback from the people who like are your soul like, are your bone marrow to be like wow, okay, for me to show up inside my most important relationships I need to look at this. Not to make the event better. Like I think people have it twisted People can look at some of this like performative stuff like you can go get BIPOC women to speak at an event, pay them, they'll speak. But you're bringing people into a very harmful situation,it's very problematic. And so for me to not harm speakers, to not harm friends, relationships, I have to be able to do that work to know that I'm not the most important piece for that event. I have to create a container to then bring people into, and if I'm not willing to do that work, and just bring in random people, like, that's harmful and problematic. And I think that's what we see a lot of people like, oh, well, let me just bring in some BIPOC people, that'll solve it. Hell no. Because if you haven't done the work to understand your own whiteness, the language, the biases, the how you can weaponize those things, you will do more harm. That, to me is the most important piece.
Laura Jean 46:04
Absolutely, we've just seen that play out in the, you know, I mean, when we're recording this in the Health at Every Size space with that exact stuff happening. So yeah, I think that what you mentioned in there is around, it comes back to the relating what I heard you say is how you want to relate to people and how you want to relate within spaces, so yes, within your most intimate relationships, as well as how do you want to create spaces of relating, you know, those containers. And, and it often Yeah, I don't know, I often find with this work, and with questioning and conversation it all, not always, because there's no absolutes, but it often comes back to relating, you know, it's all about, yeah, that that relating, and even if it's just as a minimum, how do we want to relate to ourselves, which is actually not minimum, it's like, huge, how do we want to relate to ourselves? And how do we want to relate to the world? And how do we want to create, like you said, those spaces where we can bring people in, and the relating that happens in there is, as you know, where we've resisted or minimised harm.
Allison Tenney 47:12
Yeah, and I'm gonna bring it back to something that you said earlier about having access to our full humanity. And I think we have to do that for ourselves, which is a whole healing process. I mean, I'm in therapy, I've got mentors, I do a lot of work, you know, offline, to have access to healing, and to my full humanity, and how are we offering that to others? Because my experiences are inherently different than other marginalised groups. Like I understand being a woman and how that feels. But being white and a woman is different than being black and a woman, it's just different. So I can't put my story or my experience and just say, well, we're both women. That's that's just not how it works.
Laura Jean 48:13
No, yes. And I think yeah, going through those phases of questioning that, of becoming aware, like as we peel back those layers of those things influencing us and the first step is yes, we might realise yep, we're a woman you know, there's that that piece, but then also starting to recognise all of those intersections and things that layer up, from the influence point for ourselves but also from those harm perspectives as well. And how they all interplay and yes accessing accessing ourselves therapy for the win hey?
Allison Tenney 48:49
yeah
Laura Jean 48:53
and so I'm just conscious of the time and just curious too like, I like to I suppose think about if you were to give people either it can be advice if you like to give advice,, advice a question, a tip, a thought a starting point, a space to reflect into of of just broadening yeah of whatever you would like like to to share like what's the kind of, what's the seed you want to plant in the world I suppose.
Allison Tenney 49:24
Oh my gosh Wow. This seed I want to plant in the world.
Laura Jean 49:35
One of my favourite quotes that I come back to all the time is you know, we're planting seeds for forests we may never get to spend time in you know, we're doing this work well, hopefully doing quote unquote, the work or putting things out there. But yeah, so what's your, what's one of your seeds? You can plant more than one seed in your lifetime, but what's one of your seeds
Allison Tenney 49:58
I think that For my work, movement holds possibilities for us. And in those possibilities, there is healing, and community. And those are the things that I really love, to honour and to nurture. And the things that I see people want, and really need, spaces to be seen, and to be held. I just see so many people running around trying to get attention and feed their egos and, you know, be heard and be seen in ways that don't really honour their full humanity. And bring it back to that. And I think if we can have a more embodied approach of knowing yourself, and turning towards the nooks and crannies and dark corners that you may not want to look at, but shining a light on those things can help you know yourself. Helps you bring your full humanity, to your work to your family, to your communities. And we are, we want to belong. Just think of Brene Brown, we are human beings that want to belong, and how can we do that in meaningful ways to belong to ourselves, so that we can belong to one another. I think that's what I would add.
Laura Jean 51:57
Thank you. I, I really like that. Not that you need my approval, but I like it.
Allison Tenney 52:03
it is your podcast,
Laura Jean 52:05
But you still don't need my approval to do it. Show up as you, show up in your full humanity, whatever that looks like. That's what this space, one of the aims of this space. So thank you for bringing that. And thank you for sharing. Yeah, a few, you know, those vulnerable pieces of yourself. And yeah, and some really, really helpful stuff in there. And I know, I was scribbling a few things for myself some little thought noodles that you've started, so I'll be noodling on them later. But before we wrap up, if people wanted to continue the conversation, to continue to connect, or maybe actually want to get some strength training, where would they connect or follow along?
Allison Tenney 52:47
Yes, so I'm living my best life over on Instagram @allisontenney, my website is Allisontenneyfitness.com. And I also have a podcast called The den download.
Laura Jean 53:02
Yes, all the spots, we'll put, I'll put all those, we - it's just me! We, because we're here together, but we won't be doing it. I'll put those in the show notes, and put them up so people can follow along. And like I said, I really recommend following along because I really enjoy it, even though I'm not even looking for stenght training at the moment, you know, one day, I think one day you're gonna get me. Every now and then I think maybe I do need some strength coaching. I know who I'll be coming to. But yes, follow along and checkout Allison's stuff. And yeah, and the podcast as well. I've been enjoying catching some episodes of that as well, and hearing your story and hearing your perspective on it, as well. So thank you.
Allison Tenney 53:48
Thank you. It's been wonderful.
Laura Jean 53:51
Yes, it's so wonderful, like you said at the very start to be in conversation with people and to go, yeah to ask the deep questions. So thank you for being open to being in conversation. And for those of you listening along, wherever you are, thank you for sharing your time with us and and being here in the conversation as well. And so until next time, bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
