Ep 46 Acceptance as a starting point
Today I want to talk about acceptance as a starting point. And particularly as it relates to harm and supremacy culture.
In light of current experiences of harm being shared in the HAES(R) space we, providers/professionals who hold a lot of privilege, need to do the work of examining how we show up in the face of harm and how the values of the system around us is enacted by us.
And I think it starts with acceptance.
Let's dive in.
Resources, links & mentions
Context if you haven’t caught up:
Sonya Renee Taylor website & IG live chat
White Supremacy Characteristics
Do less harm, take less shit, be more you Ep 5 Dietitian Values Podcast
Whose Values Ep 9 Dietitian Values Podcast
Episode Transcript
Laura Jean 0:12
Hello, hello and welcome to this episode of The dietitian values podcast. This week I want to talk about a couple of things I've talked about before, but I want to go over them a little bit again, in light of what's been happening in the Health at Every Size space and non diet space over the past week. If you have not, you're not really sure what I'm talking about. I'll put some links in the show notes to some experiences of harm that some of the humans in the HAES(r) space have shared around their interactions with Linda Bacon, who is another member of the Health at Every Size community. so I'll start, preface this episode with saying that I am in complete solidarity with Mikey, Lindley and the team at ASDAH particularly Veronica, who have shared their experiences and called out what seems clear to me to be a pattern of behaviour and a pattern of not taking responsibility. Now I'm not going to go into the issue in depth because I am not an expert on this and I do not want to speak to some other people's experience. What I did want to speak to today around this are two things that I've been thinking about or two things that have really sort of stood out to me around this, and the first one is around harm. And the concept of do no harm versus do less harm. I've talked about that here before. And I just want to talk a little bit more about that today. I suppose I'm raising these is because this is something that's happening, currently. Something that is I imagine on people's mind, and it's something people are thinking about, and I just want to talk to a couple of things around it that may feel I don't know if helpful is the word but I suppose just wrapping some words around where we're at and not as as I said, not as a any kind of take on like the actual situation. That has clearly been discussed. And like I said, I'm in solidarity with the humans who've shared their experiences.
So do less harm. So I think a lot of the time, particularly as white and privileged providers and I will talk mostly to that because that is my experience. And I would not dream of being a voice for other groups of people. Is that we, I mean, you know, even the medical profession, particularly, I mean, there's the whole idea of do no harm. And I think when we come to this space that, you know, working with working in the inclusive space, the weight inclusivity, Health at Every Size, trauma informed, any of those kind of umbrellas or banners that we might place our work under. If we come at it with the idea of do no harm. Often what can happen is when harm occurs by us or other people, we feel stuck. We feel unsure of how to move forward and we feel you know, like the words that I've seen talked about are shocked or some people clearly disbelieving and I think that part of that comes from well, what Sonya Renee Taylor calls white supremacy, delusion or what we know as white supremacy culture, and part of it's set up by this idea of do no harm I think, like I said, this is my opinions on some just
where what I've been kind of thinking about in this time. And so when we come to a space and thinking we're not going to do harm, when harm occurs it's really like how do you deal with it? When you've said you're not going to do it? When we can come to the space thinking 'do less harm' we can actually create a space to then talk about harm we can create a space to then okay, if we're going to do less harm, we can create the opportunity for the next step to that for me, which is what will we do when harm occurs or How will we approach that? How will we take care of our nervous system? what will we put in place, you know, having things like a repair process in plac.e so do less harm. I think if we think about instead of thinking of do no harm, even just changing it to do less harm creates already like a space for us to then consider if harm occurs and then what. what does it mean to do less harm and I think because it's an active like do no harm is like, you know, if we think about in relation to the work that some of us do around working with humans in their relationship with food, it's almost like saying, I won't eat that thing or like, you know, it's like a restriction. I'm just not going to do it. And often, it creates an environment where when it does occur, there's a lot of shame and there's a lot of guilt versus creating a space of compassion and grace for ourselves and others. accountability and responsibility, Abso-fuckin-lutely. And also a space to recognise that, okay, we recognise harm will occur we're humans interacting with other humans, whether that be harm with the humans we work with, whether that be harm with our colleagues or whether that be harm in other ways.
So if we come from the space of accepting that harm will happen, and that we ourselves may be and probably have been, the perpetrators, the people who have harmed, it can open up the opportunity to think then okay, well how do I act into my values when harms occurred or when it's been shared with me that I have done? Harm and our initial reaction, our, those those supremacy,culture values that can come up in us often push us toward being defensive, thinking about ,good and bad right and wrong, the either/or binary. thinking about the right to comfort. like all of these supremacy culture characteristics, and if you're not familiar with their work, there's some great, great resources around really looking at that and really examining those and by Tena Okun and Kenneth Jones and all the new updated website is I think Tema Okun's work more. But I will link to that in the show notes as well, which is white supremacy characteristics and I think it's a really good space to hop in because I've shared my definition of values before and my definition of values is the characteristics that underlie our attempts to get our needs met. And basically most actions that we take as humans are attempts to get our needs met. And so what characteristics underlie that and when we look at supremacy characteristics, we can see where sometimes we act into those or sometimes there's that reflex to act into it. And what we can create with our own values, or by examining that, is to create a space where we can ground in our own values. in the values that we want to act into in the world. And so I think the first a really big pivotal step, pivotal shift for me was that acceptance of Yes, harm happens, and acceptance not as resignation but acceptance as a starting point of this is reality. When we live in the kind of like, false reality with that illusion that we won't do harm, then it just creates more of a space for those supremacy characteristics to come up. It creates more of a space for us to feel like 'I can't say the wrong thing' because we feel like we can't do harm. Whereas if we've already expressed, acknowledged and accepted that we will do harm not like I said as resignation, absolutely as mitigating that as much as possible. And creating a process, steps, a system, whatever it might be, of addressing that, in the moment addressing that inside ourselves, regulating our own nervous system, having tools and strategies to be able to come to these discussions and these interactions, you know, with the grounding in our own values.
And so that is one of the things I wanted to just, I suppose, riff on. Like I said, this episode is not about me telling anyone what to do, or being an expert on anything, but just talking through some thoughts or some concepts or ideas that I think could be, could feel supportive or could just be something for us to plant a seed. Have a think about. So that's one piece and the other one, which I've kind of talked already is the idea of looking at whose values are we showing up in, you know, and again, I've talked about that before and I'll link to previous episodes. But basically, we're exposed to a whole lot of values, you know, from our family. of origin, right up to the current day, cultural values, religious values, community values, professional values. Clearly, you know, depending where you're raised, for most people listening, we're raised in very dominant 'power over' cultures. So there's the values of those and it is very easy to act into those, in fact, we're encouraged, influenced, programmed, conditioned, choose whatever word you like, to do that. we are raised to be, you know, for those those values for those cultural things to live in us, to live through us. And if we are not creating a space within ourselves to question that, to create a space for when they come up, to actually acknowledge them and see them and actually work with them. And I was listening to an IG chat that Sonia Renee Taylor did, and I'll link to that in the show notes as well, around and hey were talking specifically about the conflict in the Ukraine, at the moment between Russia and Ukraine. Well, basically the power over dynamic of Russia power over in Ukraine, butwhat they were talking about is that, was that we have this opportunity when we act into or speaking to, whether it's conscious usually it's unconscious, you know that implicit bias, which is just basically supremacy culture, values, racism that lives inside us when that comes up. When that comes out. We've got options. We can either continue to act into supremacy culture values, and be defensive, deny, you know, all of these these characteristics or we have the opportunity or it can be an opportunity for us to really examine them. What's coming up? to bring compassion not the shame and the guilt because it's not really constructive in most cases. And to think okay, well, now what? now that I see this, now what, what values do I want to act into knowing this? How do I want to change this? How do I want to actually address and acknowledge and work on this thing that has come up and so I think that that's such a, to me, it seems logical, but it also feels like a way to actually practice living into our values. and I think it's similar to the idea of accepting that we will do harm, accepting that these values and these ideas they live in us. and, again, a really big turning point for me or a really big turning point as far as to take action and to make change around racism particularly was to acknowledge and to actually accept that I am racist, that I was raised to be racist, that I was by my immediate influences, but also by the culture and the systems around me. And I have a choice to be anti racist and that's a choice. And again similar to if we say, we don't do harm if we say we're not racist it doesn't create a pace or an opportunity for us to then examine and do things differently when it comes up, when we act into it. It's almost like we've backed ourselves into a corner to do nothing but deny it and be defensive. If we've said I'm not racist. If we've said I will do no harm and then we do, do harm. And then we do act into these racist characteristics and values that are you know, I think inside us all, I can't speak to people in other groups within our culture, and society and within the world. But absolutely, from what I've seen within white people who I am one off, and absolutely in myself. And when we can accept that and acknowledge that and that be our starting point. It is a massive shift and it creates the opportunity for us to then make space for that part of ourselves and make space for that, not necessarily part of ourselves, but make space for that as it comes up. and then to choose differently, to choose to ground in our own values and to do things differently with the acceptance that, that is there too, that that is present, that that is real.
So that's what I wanted to talk about today. As I said, I do not want to, I'm not trying to position myself as somebody who has answers to solve any large systemic problems, but rather offer up just some thoughts. And something that I've found really helpful on my own process and hopefully progress in this space and particularly, but I definitely know there's progress in, in creating a way of working and living that grounds in my own values. Do I still sometimes act into other values or do I still feel and come up from that kind of like unconscious, almost reflexive space? Absolutely. But the acceptance acknowledge of that and starting from that point, starting from that idea that I'm racist, starting from that idea, but that I choose to be actively anti racist. starting from the idea that I will do harm, but I choose to actively resist harm, to actively do less harm. And that for me, while it might sound kind of contradictory or counterintuitive. It actually opens up the space to ground in my own value. It opens up the space to do less harm, it opens up the space to act into that, act into being anti racist verses it being some kind of like statement of fact. So that is what I wanted to share. I hope that that's helpful. If you've got any questions, comments, concerns, please feel free to reach out and I will chat to you again soon. I hope you're going well, and until next time, bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
