Ep 45 Finding a space for connection
Humans thrive in connection.
What kind of spaces for connection do you need? A space that provides support, cheerleading, guidance? A space to be held, held accountable or gently challenged?
Today I'm talking about how to get clear on what you might need for connection and the different ways and places you might find that.
Let's dive in.
Links, resources & mentions
Shante Cofield - the Movement Maestro
Doing the work with Alissa Rumsey - Dietitian Values Podcast Ep 43
Episode Transcript
Laura Jean 0:20
Hello Hello and welcome to this week's episode of The dietitian values podcast. Thanks for tuning in and hanging out with me here. Today I want to talk about finding a space for you for you to get support, connection, accountability, inspiration, motivation, momentum. Whatever it is that you need in your business and also in your values based way of moving forward. So, you know, I talk a lot around here of course, around values, and what you need based on your values might be different than what someone else needs. So I'm want to talk about finding a space for you and for getting what you need around showing up in your values and around particularly in your business and showing up in your business. Because let's be honest, when you are looking to build a business or whether you're in the trenches, doing it can feel sometimes a little bit isolating. It can feel like you're alone and I think for health professionals, particularly because we've been trained in a multi multidisciplinary type approach where we're used to kind of connecting to other health professionals. And I know not everyone starts out that way, and not everyone has an opportunity, but we often are in teams, or at least our training and the way we are kind of set up to practice is under the assumption that we have this kind of team model, whether it be for referring whether it be for support or supervision, or mentorship or whatever it might be. I think, even if it's not the reality of practices, I think that's the way training is still set up and what can happen, I think sometimes is it can be hard to find spaces, particularly when you practice through a values aligned lens.
So when you set out to do your own thing, running a business, even if it's just as a side thing, you know, connecting with humans because humans thrive in connection, right? We're all humans, all mammals like yes, we we have a lot of other trappings. But we can't get away from that fact that humans are built to connect like we're wired to connect like the way our brains work, our nervous systems work, it all works in connection, even a completely introverted homebody, highly sensitive human like me who loves nothing more than their own space and hanging out by themselves. I still dream of my cabin in the woods where no one can find me. But even somebody like me who really does that, I thrive in connection, and I really value connection. it's about figuring out what kind of connection works for you, what kind of space works for you. So for me over time, what I figured out is the spaces that work for me really need to be values aligned. I don't have time physically, mentally, emotionally, I don't have time for spaces that are not. spaces where it's really surface level. Oh my god, I cannot think of anything worse than going to a party and having a small talk conversation. Actually i can think of one more thing worse. You know those interactions where you see people who haven't seen you know, the people, you might only get to see every six to 12 months in your life or maybe even less now because of the Panini where you have the same conversation every time you see them, like what's been happening with work, what's been happening with having kids, you know, and it's like Groundhog Day. I think that's slightly worse than small talk. I don't mind talking about the weather, some people find the weather small talk. But as a gardener actually, I really do like talking about the weather, but as it pertains to the depth of gardening connection versus just like general weather chit chat. But anyway, I digress. tangent.
So what I think is really helpful when you're thinking about, so we're talking about finding a space. So the first step of that is about knowing yourself, knowing what kind of space has worked for you, and thinking about what spaces you've been in the past or what kind of, the thought of what kind of spaces actually light you up and make you feel like 'yes, that's where I want to go to'. So what kind of spaces are you part of now? Or have you been part of where you just want show up versus the ones where you like, when you get that text or notification they have been cancelled, You're like, 'Yes, I'm so glad'. So we want to create spaces....when you're doing your own thing, when you build your own values aligned space, business, life. You can do things differently. You can create those spaces or find those spaces. You don't have to, you know, feel like the only way to get connection is those types of spaces that drain you or those types of spaces where you can't show up as yourself. I'm talking about spaces that are aligned with your values, aligned with you. So the first piece of that is knowing you, knowing who you are knowing how you work, knowing what kind of connection or collaboration or space is the type of space for you. Like I said, I'll give you examples for me, you know at spaces where there's a depth, it's small spaces as well. I don't really like a big, lots of people. I like spaces, one of my values is around space for connection collaboration but another one of my values is around fairness and justice and I suppose one of my interpretations or definitions around that one of the things or the ways that I live into that or feel like I'm living into that is around all bodies or people being seen and heard. And so the type of spaces that I really like being part of are ones where you have the opportunity to be seen, known & heard, not where there's pressure to show up and contribute if you're maybe not feeling like that, etc. But I like spaces where there's that opportunity. Spaces where there is fairness and justice, nothing worse for me again, then being in those spaces where there's the highly needy person that gets all the air time, you know, my my value of fairness and justice really gets riled up around that. So i've given these couple of examples as we're talking through them, maybe they feel like tangents, but I really just I suppose I want to give examples of how you can wrap words and actually like what does it actually look like. Because sometimes I think with values or if we're thinking about spaces and the term space like it's so nebulous. It can feel like l what does that mean practically? What does it mean to find a values aligned space in a practical sense? and so these are some examples for me. It's around connection. It's around smaller spaces and spaces where people are seen and heard, which may not mean that everyone does exactly the same amount of like quote/unquote air time but where there's there is some sort of opportunity for everyone to get kind of seen, known & heard. spaces where there is...
another piece that I like from spaces and to put this one out there, you know, sometimes spaces or something that I see in the business world advertised like a positive or what do you call it, a benefit of the space is accountability. One thing I know about me, my values and the way I operate is that accountability is not something that I look for, as far as the definition of accountability of being checked up on being held, held to this thing. Accountability as far as having internal accountability to show up in my values. That's another thing. Having like gently held accountable around the things that I say are important to me, that different thing, but accountability like you know, like this pressure like there's like you feel like you've been checked up on so that kind of accountability. And I'm not saying that that is even how other people define it but that's what it feels like for me. So that kind of accountability I don't enjoy. However what I do love from spaces, are spaces where there is that kind of space to reflect and space where you can be, you're still working towards goals, towards things, but there's that real I suppose it's like a trauma informed, trauma conscious bubble around that. That there is the awareness of life and all the other pieces. but it's not held accountable you know for things like that checked up homeworky kind of space, but really around 'hey this something that's important to you, what's going on around that?' 'that's not working well, what's what's going on around that? do you need some support. What else do you need? Was the goal realistic, what's going on in life? You need to give yourself compassion, you know, that really bigger picture piece. And the other thing I really love from spaces is relational inspiration. So you know that feeling when you get you know, previously I always thought of it as the feeling of being in a room. I think there is still that piece like it's a bit different when you are in the room, although, you know, come back to me in a few months beacue I haven't been in the room with anyone for a while around that. But you know that kind of feeling when you're in connection to people when you're when you're relating, and Angela Morris from Angela Morris media was the first person to kind of wrap words around that feeling, that relational inspiration, the kind of inspiration that we get when we're in connection to other humans. And another piece of that that I find is connected momentum. It's that it's being in space where people are doing things and how that actually supports me to do things. Not in, like I said, not in that accountability, like the accountability piece, but just like 'wow, you're doing that thing. That's a good idea.' And that's you know, this is a thing I'm working on and it's just this momentum and inspiration that happens when humans are in connection to other humans.
I think of like you know, think of like older past times, not necessarily older times, although I should say, I've done this with people more recently. But you know, where women particularly got together to preserve harvests to do tasks, like to do like weaving or quilting or things like that where there was that connection and the the actual work that came out of that or the momentum or inspiration that came from being in connection, getting things done by being connected to other humans like it's something that's been, it's like wired into our DNA, actually I don't know if it's wired into our DNS, I shouldn't say that, it's completely unfounded. We look back into like historical, we think about those cultural pieces like it's underpins a lot of things back in time. Less so now because, let's not get on a capitalist nuclear family tangent, right. However, you know, we for most of history is what I'm trying to say. So most of history humans have come together to do things. to work in connection and inspiration.
So, what I would encourage you to think about is what do you, how do you work? What is of value to you what is aligned with your values? And then what do you need? Where are the gaps? So maybe you have great support and connection in your friends and family. However, there's not as much connection or support or that relational inspiration in the business side of things. Or maybe you've got a great Business Mastermind you're loving it as far as like the strategy tactical piece, but maybe there's a gap around the values, around the 'what's the big vision you have for the world' how you're leaning into that how you're showing up around like anti oppressive practices around representation and diversity around those kind of pieces. So maybe that's a spot where you want or where you need support. We need connection, we need inspiration we need actually guidance around well, how do I do that? Like I've got a value like maybe you might say well, one of my values is around making my work more accessible, my business more accessible, and where can I get, one the practical guides the ways to actually do that, but also where can I get a space where other people are working on that, where I can feel like I've got inspiration, where I'm kind of that gentle trauma informed feeling of being held in alignment with your values, like where can you get that from? And so maybe that's a gap for you.
So thinking about one knowing yourself and your values, how you work, what kind of things you like from spaces of connection, and then number two, where are the gaps for you? Is it around general strategy? You know, maybe it's around, I definitely when I first came back into when I was moving back into doing business online after baby number three. I'd been working around by myself for about six months. I was like I need a space where there's other people doing the same thing because I don't have any in my day to day life and I joined the movement maestro, Shante Cofield's Mafia, which is where we meet twice a month and it's people doing business online and it's just a space where I get that connection. I get that support and get to see my experience reflected back and get to just be holding space for other people doing the same thing. So we have that shared experience and common humanity and that has been really valuable for me. Another piece, something I'm adding in this year, is finding a space around doing a little bit, going a bit deeper in some of my anti oppressive practices. So one thing I've signed up for is a course around diversity and representation and inclusion in businesses. And then the other piece I'm doing is around trauma informed care. So for me, I tend to look at What do I need? Where do I need either that information guidance, like the contextual stuff, where do I need the support? Where are the gaps and what can I find to support me now, to build spaces, so for support, connection, education and information. Maybe it's around that being held space. And like I said, like, what do you want to get out of those spaces? Because that will impact what you look for. So do you want to just be validated? Do you want to be cheered on do you wan to be supported, do you want to be guided? Do you want to be in a space where you see your experience reflected back at you where there's a shared, that common humanity, you know, if you've done any reading around self compassion, the the common humanity piece where we are looking for, like, hey, we might not be exactly the same people, but we're going through the same or similar kind of thing, you know, so that could be really helpful and supportive.
So where are the spaces you can find this? so starting to connect to people who have similar values. So we're doing things you know, looking around, looking at what other people are attending and not as far as like looking at what people are doing and keeping up with the Joneses piece but sometimes finding people. Shante Cofield says this all the time and I think it is a Seth Godin quote 'people like us, do things like this.' I think that's it, I probably butchered it. Anyway. Basically, what I think about is like sometimes when you're looking for, for groups or spaces, looking at what people who have similar values to you do. you know this space here is obviously a space that I'm trying to curate, or create for or cultivate for health professionals who want to do things differently. Also, maybe it's through what kind of space or what kind of way you could get it. So it could even be thinking about the WHO that provides it. So maybe its peers, maybe it's through like a supervision kind of relationship. Maybe it's in a group, like a programme where there's learning and support. Maybe it's a coach or one to one kind of space, somebody who gives you support but also gives you that cheerleading gives you that validation maybe challenges you slightly and gently in a trauma informed way, or whatever it might be. So think about where you can get that. The other space that I've kind of created for that and to give little plug is Radicle my upcoming programme where I'm really hoping to create a space or facilitate a space where humans interested in doing business differently, interested in showing up in their business can come together and yes learn and get some content based stuff, but also be connected and have that space where there's being held, being supported, being coached, but also being seen in other people's experiences and stories as well. And so that's what RAdicle is about if you are interested. If you're catching this podcast actually when it drops signup is still open until Friday the 11th of March 2022 anyone listening in. but I'll put the signup page in the show notes anyway, tangent.
So the pieces are finding spaces that work for you. So one know yourself, know your values. Two, think about where the gaps are, what are you missing? What kind of thing do you need? Is it support? Is it guidance is it encouragement? Is it validation? Is it cheerleading? Is it challenging, gentle trauma informed challenging? Is it a space where you are held accountable? Maybe that doesn't work for you? Is it relational inspiration? Is it connected momentum? Is it a space to vent? is it a space to be seen heard and known or just to see your experience reflected back at you. like what are you looking for? Who does it what's out there? What are the options and look at those things and take them for a test drive. Follow those people who do it - Are their values aligned with yours, who else has taken the programme or worked with that person or done things like is there a way to find that out, not always. Can you catch up with that person or you know and ask some questions. Like for instance, I have what I call good fit calls and people might call them sales calls or discovery calls but mine literally are about like hey, this is me. This is you, will I be a good fit and is my work a good fit for you, and a good next step in your business. Most people will offer something like that. Or you know, jumping into somebody's DMs, respectfully asking them some questions around what they do and how they work. So you know, for want of a better word, vet those things out or just lurk for a little bit and kind of feel it out. Or a shortcut sometimes is to if you know somebody who is similar to you, has a similar values, works in a similar way you can talk to them like. where did you find the space? Peers are also a great space. I've been working or meeting for over a year now with, I did an episode on this and I'll drop the link, with Alissa Rumsey and we've been meeting once a month to talk about how we bring anti oppressive practices, how we how we actually integrate those values into our business and bring practices in. So we've been working on that and it has been amazing like having a space like that with a peer. So it doesn't always have to be something where you pay somebody it doesn't have to be like a specific coaching relationship. It doesn't always have to be a formal, regular thing. But thinking about you, know you, know your values, where are the gaps and what do you need to move forward to move towards your values based life, your values based business and to start building the vision of the world you want to see? Where are the spaces? Where can you find them? Or do you need to create them and build them.
So that's what I wanted to talk to you about today. If obviously, this space here is a space for you. But if you wanted to deepen that connection to this space through either work me or radicle, please reach out, as I said shownotes i'll drop a link in the show notes but it's dietitianvalues.com forward slash radicle and it's radicle R.A.D.I.C.L.E s. So check that out. If that's something that sounds like it aligns. questions, comments, concerns, always reach out and always look forward to continuing conversation with you. Okay, that's it for me today. Bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
